In Too Deep

Content warning: sexual content. There’s a sex scene (vaguely detailed) and discussions of a sexual nature

Bankston Creech

Two figures are on a bed having sex. The lights are too dim to see them as anything but silhouettes, though it’s clear that one of them is wearing some sort of cape. Clothes are draped across the bed and floor. What looks like some sort of stick is visible on the bed.

CASSIE (in an exaggerated Eastern European accent) I vant to suck your blood. But I don’t mind sucking something else.

Amanda laughs. The couple readjusts so Cassie is on top, sliding under the covers with obvious intent. Things continue, Amanda occasionally gasping as Cassie shifts under the blanket. Suddenly, Cassie stills. Amanda lifts the blanket to address her girlfriend, clearly confused.

AMANDA: Babe? Is something wrong?

CASSIE: Uh. We may have a problem.

Set change: Amanda and Cassie in a doctor’s office, as far apart as they can get on the waiting bench. Amanda is clearly determined to look everywhere but at Cassie. Cassie is anxiously fiddling with her hands, clearly thinking a mile a minute. They’re both visibly disheveled, Cassie’s face covered in smudged, dramatic makeup. She forgot to take the cape off before putting on a tshirt.

Amanda gets up and starts pacing. After a few rounds across the room she stops and looks at Cassie.

AMANDA: The cape.

CASSIE: (startled) What?

AMANDA: The cape. You’re still wearing it under your shirt. You look like a twelve year old who just got back from trick or treating.

CASSIE: Oh. Oh, sorry.

She takes the cape off in a rush, struggling to untangle it from her shirt. Once it’s off she and Amanda stare at it for a moment, before Cassie hurried to get it folded and in her lap. Amanda huffs and sits back down, still on the opposite side of the bench.

AMANDA: Thank you. That’s better.

CASSIE: Yeah. No problem. Wouldn’t want to give a bad impression to the urgent care doctor. Bad enough that it’s late and they’re probably tired and we’re here for—

Amanda cuts her off with a withering glare. Cassie looks down, compulsively smoothing and refolding the cape in her lap as tension builds.

CASSIE: (taking a deep breath) Okay. We need a game plan.

AMANDA: What?

CASSIE: You know? A game plan. An attack strategy. So we know what to do when the doctor gets here. What to say. It’d make it less awkward.

AMANDA: Cass. What about this situation exactly makes you think that anything we say or do will somehow make it less awkward?

CASSIE: Well, it wouldn’t— 

AMANDA: Honey. Baby. Darling. Look me in the eye and tell me what we can say that will make—  (she struggles to find the words) make what happened sound anything other than absurd?

CASSIE: I just think it might be easier if we had some kind of script to follow.

AMANDA: Okay. You’re right. Not like this is the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to me and the worst, most unsalvageable night ever (Cassie winces). Let’s talk about it. Let’s make a game plan. (Beat) Why don’t we try some role playing? You’re great at that. It’s worked so well for us before. You be the doctor and I’ll be me.

CASSIE: You’re right, it was stupid. We can just— 

AMANDA: You be the doctor. And I’ll be me.

CASSIE: Okay. (trying to be positive, she straightens, getting into the role) Hello Miss Bridges. I’m Doctor Stethoscope. What seems to be the problem?

AMANDA: Well you see Doctor Stethoscope, today is my birthday. And I’m a huge fan of vampires. All horror, really, especially if it’s trashy, but I really love vampires. I’d read all of Anne Rice’s collected works by the time I was sixteen.

CASSIE: (stepping out of character) This seems like a lot of background info for a doctor’s appointment.

AMANDA: (ignoring her) So my girlfriend decided that this year, for my birthday, she’d go really above and beyond. When I got home this evening there were candles everywhere, petals on the floor and all that sappy romance shit, except the candles were blood red and it looked downright spooky. It was nice. The TV was set up to watch Interview With the Vampire and there was this whole vampire-inspired dinner on the table— rare steak, red wine, these little cakes shaped like body parts and covered in strawberry sauce so they looked bloody. 

CASSIE: Your girlfriend sounds like a very thoughtful person. The kind of person you forgive really easily when they make a mistake, because they’re just so great like ninety percent of the time.

AMANDA: (still ignoring her, but this time she cracks a small smile) It was lovely. Who doesn’t love dinner and a movie? But it didn’t stop there. Some time after the movie— the lovely, romantic, very normal movie— she got up to go to the bathroom. And when she came out she was wearing the most ridiculous vampire costume.

CASSIE: Which I— she looked really sexy in. I’m sure. Probably. 

AMANDA: It’s physically impossible to be sexy in a ten dollar cape from Party City.  Unfortunately, I’m a huge weirdo who probably needs therapy asap, so seeing my girlfriend in a ten dollar cape and Halloween makeup really did it for me. I’m not gonna tell you, Doctor Stethoscope, what happened next. We’re all adults here in this very normal, very professional setting.

CASSIE: (trying to lighten the mood) Yes indeed, Miss Bridges. No need to tell me about how your hot and thoughtful girlfriend is also very good at sex.

AMANDA: Honestly it was a bit much. She went really hardcore with the whole vampire thing. Almost too hard core. Did you know that they sell dildos that look like wooden stakes?

CASSIE: I hear they’re very hard to find and you actually have to custom order them.  Which takes a lot of effort and is actually pretty thoughtful, when you think about it.

AMANDA: Anyways. It was kind of funny, but nice. We had a good time. But then— Cassie, I can’t say it.

CASSIE: It’s okay. It’s just pretend this time. You can say it to me, can’t you? It’s nothing I don’t already know.

AMANDA: I appreciate that you’re trying to be comforting, but I don’t see how telling you something you saw happen, something some might say you caused, will make it any easier to tell a complete stranger that—

Cutting herself off as her tone edges towards hysterics, Amanda straightens and her gaze snaps to the door. Nurse walks in.

NURSE: I’m so sorry for the wait— it’s been a busy night. Dr. Matson will be with you in just a minute.

False alarm— Amanda relaxes, slumping against the seat and taking a deep breath

AMANDA: If I say it then that makes it real.

They sit in silence for a while

CASSIE: Can’t you uh. Can you not feel it? It seems like it would hurt.

Amanda looks at her for a second before shaking her head and turning away. She buries her head in her hands, shoulders shaking

CASSIE: I’m sorry. That was a dumb thing to say. This is all so dumb, and it’s all my fault. I should have used more glue. Or just taken them off before things got going. Or hell, when I went to get the cape the shop had a set off those cheap ones, like kids wear on Halloween, and I should have just gotten those. I don’t know why I didn’t. I just wanted this to be a good night for you, for us. I wanted all the details to be perfect because I wanted you to know that the details matter, that making you happy matters because you matter, and now here we are in the world’s slowest urgent care clinic at 1 am on your birthday and it’s awful, and you’re probably in pain, and— 

Amanda bursts out laughing, sitting up with a wide, uncontrollable grin. She’s still shaking a little, eyes wet with happy tears. She tries to say something but looking at Cassie’s bewildered expression only makes her laugh harder

CASSIE: Babe?

AMANDA: (making “stop” motions at Cassie, laughing so hard she can barely get the words out) Just— just give me one second.

CASSIE: I see. It’s finally happened. She’s lost it. I’ve broken her. The stress of dating me was too much and now I’ve fucked up so badly it drove her totally insane.

AMANDA: No, don’t say that. I’m just— I just— it’s just so funny.

Cassie, relaxing but still afraid of landing back in the dog house, stares at her perplexedly

AMANDA: I mean, who does this? Who— (her next words stick in her throat for a second before rushing out all at once) who gets a fake vampire fang stuck in their vagina (for a second she looks shocked at having said it out loud, before the laughter  starts up again, less manic and more free this time, relieved to have it out in the open) 

CASSIE: Okay, it is really funny. You know i didn’t even notice at first? One second everything was good and then I noticed my tooth felt way more comfortable then it had a minute ago— like, it was naked or something. I was so confused when I reached up and felt that it was gone. Then it hit me and I was like oh shit. How the fuck did that happen?

Amanda gets hit with another burst of laughter, and this time Cassie joins in. They’re laughing so hard they don’t fully notice their bodies moving, coming close together on the bench until their thighs are almost touching. Cassie’s the first one to come out of it.

CASSIE: It doesn’t hurt?

AMANDA: (wiping tears from her eyes) No. No, it’s just kinda irritating? Like a really small, weirdly hard tampon just knocking around down there. Sometimes it hits something and it stings but I really do keep forgetting it’s there.

CASSIE: That’s… good? I’m glad it’s not too uncomfortable.

AMANDA: Yeah. Yeah, it’s good. I’m okay.

CASSIE: Okay. So, now that we know that you can say it, wanna talk game plan? The  doctor should be here soon. Not that I didn’t love the recap of the night, but it’s a little heavy on the details. Might actually make it a bit less scary to get an idea of what really might come up.

AMANDA: (scooting closer to Cassie so that their sides are pressed together, she takes her girlfriend’s hand and looks at her softly) Nah. Think I’ll be okay without one.

CASSIE: You sure?

AMANDA: I’m sure. See, I’ve got this really hot and thoughtful girlfriend here with me, and I recently learned that she can make even the worst, most unsalvageable night feel kinda okay. As long as she’s here I’m good to go.

Beat

CASSIE: You forgot good at sex.

AMANDA: Sorry?

CASSIE: Your hot and thoughtful girlfriend. I hear she’s also really good at sex.

AMANDA: (smiling) Babe? Don’t push it.

End