/i don’t (yet) have another language to say 

i love you/.

i don’t have another language to say the words i want to say to you.

i want to feel something 

beyond the languishing of the colonizer, 

because i want to say 

i love you 

without 

the visceral backbite, 

the acid white wash, or the gated straight discontent.

so please tell me

i’m praying 

to the ceiling of my dorm, 

to the sky

to you

tell me, 

is there another way to speak this love 

into existence?

mama said the lord is within each of us

and i want to believe,

but i’ve never been a blind believer.

because isn’t seeing believing?

because isn’t speaking everything?

so when i say your name with deep (be)longing, 

when i run my hands through your hair

and your hands lay

on my thighs 

is this god?

could this sensuality be sacredness?

could this love be my new language?

(but could i trust you with this love?

 am i ready to?)